Prayer Request for my marriage

[tiggy]

Please pray for my marriage. Satan has attacked and is trying to destroy it! My husbnd wants a divorce and I don\'t. I was unfaithful and now he says he doesn\'t love me anymore. We\'ve been married 27 years and have raised 4 children. He said he wants to find somebody who can make him happy because I have done nothing but make him miserable.
 
I have repented of my sins and I believe in God\'s forgiveness. Please pray for my marriage to be reconciled through Christ Jesus and for His glory.

[SHAN70]

Hi Tiggy,
I first want to commend you for reaching out. I\'m so blessed to hear that you have ended the affair and repented.
I know this pain. I didn\'t have an affair during the marriage, however, when my husband left I immediately turned to the arms of another man. I turned away from God and gave up on my marriage. I have always struggled with being alone. I was terrified of facing the reality of the damage I had done in my marriage with my hurtful words and anger. I pushed my husband away, when what I really wanted deep inside was to pull him close.
When I finally woke up and realized I didn\'t want to be in this sinful relationship, I ended it and repented. I tried everything to stop our divorce. But, my husband\'s heart was closed to the idea of reconciliation. He asked if I would please allow the divorce to go through. Our divorce was final in October of last year. This is the most devastating thing I have ever been through. But, God!
God has changed my heart in some very incredible ways. After I ended the relationship I was in, and then was rejected by my husband, the old me would have been right back on some dating website or going out with friends in hopes of meeting someone. But, I haven\'t done that!! I have laid everything at God\'s feet. All of my hopes, all of my desires, all of my needs. I have laid on my face before his thrown each and every morning. I have prayed my way through each and every day. He is so faithful. When I am in agony, I call His name and He fills me with the Spirit of peace. I resist the temptation to look elsewhere to fill my void. Jesus is all we need!
What I\'ve learned is that the reason my husband left me is because I was looking to him to fill my void. I had exhausted and drained him with my needs that he could never meet because he isn\'t God. When he fell short, I would become angry and yell at him. If he hadn\'t left me, this would have continued for who knows how long. God needed to get my attention. He needed to show me that I was standing on sinking sand. When I finally had this realization, I can\'t begin to tell you the freedom that came along with it. I now KNOW that I am capable of leaning on God and having a deep relationship with Him! I never understood this before and as a result, I couldn\'t be the wife my husband needed. Because of this victory in my life, I can actually rejoice in this trial. I am praising God through the tears of pain.
Will God bring my ex-husband and I back together? Only He knows what the future holds. My heart aches for my family to be back together, my heart\'s desire is that God will reconcile us. However, for the first time in my life I completely realize that being in the will of God is so much more important than my desires. It\'s like the prayer I\'ve seen on David\'s posts. "Lord, change my desires so my habits and choices will change." That truly is my prayer each and every day.
My ex-husband and I have been in contact over the 2 years since he left. He has made an effort to keep the communication open and to allow God\'s healing. At this point, he wants to work on a friendship. I thank God that I at least have this for right now, because I really don\'t deserve it.
Tiggy, pray that God will use this trial to show you why you turned to another man to fill your void. God wants to heal whatever caused you to make that decision. He wants to be the Lord of your life. Only through Jesus can you love your husband the way he deserves to be loved. First and foremost, surrender your entire heart to God so He can begin to work. Pray for your husband\'s heart to be softened to God\'s voice and for his cooperation with God. I will be praying for you, sister. God bless you.

[SHAN70]

It\'s me again. I forgot to mention something else God put on my heart when I read your post.
For your husband to tell you that he wants to find someone else to make him happy... he is being deceived by the enemy! First of all, statistics show that 2nd marriages fail more often than they work. Why is this? It\'s because, once again, we are looking to a person to fill our void. Your husband needs to get down on his knees right now and pray that God will heal his broken heart. No other woman can do this. If he chooses to look anywhere but the Cross for this healing, his heartache will be twofold. Please pray that God will give you the opportunity to tell him this in a way that he\'ll listen. I can\'t tell you how important this is, because people don\'t hear this often enough at church. People will tell you that adultry is an acceptable reason for divorce in the Bible. People will tell you to just accept it and move on. GOD HATES DIVORCE!! God\'s will is for your marriage to be restored, but He has some work to do in both of you.
You\'re in my prayers.

[David]

Shan70, such good support to Tiggy.  It\'s so helpful when others on the board share their experiences.  Tiggy had emailed me a week or so ago and I answered her with support and suggested she join the board and share.  It\'s so important that a woman share with another woman.

Tiggy, we are praying for you.

[tiggy]

Thank you so much for your prayers and support.  Since I posted that, I have learned that my husband and my best friend of 30 years (we met in 10th grade) has been "leaning" heavily on each other.  She is married for the fourth time.  Her fourth husband is a pastor of a church and she also has her license to preach (don\'t know how she got it, because she doesn\'t even have a high school diploma or GED).  But they own their own church and have a prison ministry.  She hasn\'t been happy in her marriage for a while either.  Now they\'ve become support to each other and I found a letter he had written her pledging his love to her and trying to make plans to see her.  I can\'t tell you how devestated I was about this.  I know that all the grief and feelings and emotions I have endured is exactly what he went through when I did it to him.  So I know that I have to have compassion and understanding.  I know that he is being deceived by the master of deceivers, but I don\'t have the power to stop it.  I cry and pray every day and cannot find any comfort from my grief.  I beg God to stop it and put up a wall between them to give our marriage a chance to heal.  

I know that she ended up counseling with her husband and decided to stick it out, but they are still communicating with each other.  As far as I know they haven\'t slept together because she lives about 3 hours away.  He works and goes to school so there hasn\'t been time or money for him to drive up there.  I don\'t really know where their relationship stands at this point because he refuses to talk to me about it.

One thing did happen, however.  I learned that he was planning to go to see her last Sunday.  I had asked him to go with me to see my ailing mother who lives close by this woman.  He didn\'t want to go with me because he wanted to go see her instead.  This all happened Friday night.  I was so distraught that I hurt all over my body.  I cried and begged God to intervene.  He must have done something, because the next day, my husband agreed to go with me to see my mother.  On the drive up and back, we discussed God and the bible and such.  It was a good visit with him.  But then later that night, he was in communication with that woman again.

Today, I don\'t know why, but I got this horrible wretched feeling inside my gut that told me that he was still going to see her.  I even suspected that he did drive back up and was with her all day.  I don\'t know why I felt that.  The heartache was so strong that it doubled me over!  I was crying all day at work.  I couldn\'t function.  I was wrought with grief!

I am trying so hard to have faith in God and His promises.  But I know that Satan is tormenting me and trying to keep me from turning to God.  I have so much remorse inside me for what I have put my husband through.  I so want to take it all back, but I can\'t.  I miss him, and I miss my best friend of 30 years!  Our children grew up together!  How could she do this to me?  I\'ve been praying for her and her marriage.  I\'ve been praying that God strengthens her ministry.  I want my husband back so badly.  I know that it has only been 4 weeks, but it seems like an eternity, and I don\'t know how to make it through the next day.

I seek God and pray constantly to Him.  I feel like he is so weary of my begging and desperation.  But I have read the scripture that says He HATES DIVORCE.  Everything I have read in His word points me in the direction of this NOT being GOD\'S will!  So why is my faith so weak?  Why am I so consumed with trying to convince God to reconcile my marriage.  I just wish God would come and stand before me in a vision or something and tell me to CHILL!  I am such a control freak and I am freaking out!  I just wish I could lay it all in God\'s lap and walk away.  I don\'t understand myself at all sometimes.

I\'m so sorry this is so long.  But it sure made me feel better to post it.

Thanks again for your prayers and support.

[David]

Tiggy, that is what we are here for . . . .to listen to you and pray for you.  Keep looking to the Lord.  He knows your need and has has the answer for your need.  We are praying for you tonight.  Trust in the Lord.  He never fails.

[tiggy]

Today is our 27th Wedding Anniversary.  He didn\'t even call me or send me any kind of message.  It was a very tough day, but God is merciful and got me through it.  Satan has such a stronghold on my husband.  I\'m praying constantly every day, but it appears that Randy is slipping further and further away from me.  Perhaps that is God\'s plan; to pull him away from me so that God can work on him.  I don\'t know, it just hurts and I don\'t know how much longer I can be patient.  The pain is so great.

Please continue to pray.

Thanks.

Becky

[David]

Becky,

Life is not fair. . .but God is good!  Always remember His goodness.  

Are You Tired of Going Around the Same Mountain?  It is time to make new memorials.  Remember Israel at last made a memorial at the Jordon River with 12 stones. . .put there by Joshua and Caleb . . . the two faithful ones that came out of Egypt.  They made new memories.

It took the Israelites forty years to make an eleven day trip from Egypt to the Promised Land. Have you ever wondered why it took them so long? After all, the God of Israel performed miraculous signs: 10 Plagues of Egypt, the parting of the Red Sea, pillars of fire to free them from slavery only to have them wander around in the wilderness for 40 years? Do you feel as though you are currently in the wilderness? Have you been going around the “same mountain” over and over, unable to make it to the Promised Land that the Lord has waiting for you? Let’s take a moment to look at the mindset of the newly freed Israelites to see what took them so long.

The Lord declared to the Children of Israel: “Because the men who explored the land were there for forty days, you must wander in the wilderness for forty years—a year for each day, suffering the consequences of your sins. You will discover what it is like to have me for an enemy.” (Numbers 14:34)

From the moment the Lord brought them out Egypt, the children of Israel tested His patience by murmuring and complaining about the food (manna from Heaven) and constantly speaking unbelief in God’s promise of the Promise Land. Numbers Chapter: 14 records the most impressive and important bit of lessons learned when one is going through a testing period (wilderness): Our attitude towards God. Are we complaining over and over about our situation, and from the complaining do we allow the seed of unbelief to sprout in our life causing our never-ending existence in the wilderness?

Many say the Lord was able to physically bring the children of Israel from Egypt, unfortunately they remained in bondage to Egyptian life, mentally and spiritually. When the Children of Israel complained that all they had to eat was the manna from Heaven, God sent them pheasants to eat. He supplied all their needs, even their clothes did not wear out after being forty years in the desert. The only thing that the Lord asked for in return was obedience. The Children of Israel were witness to so many miraculous events it boggles the mind while trying to understand their wavering unbelief and lack of confidence in God when He had previously provided them with so much.

Becky, all of us must move on to the promise land that God has given us.  I remember the old song that says. . "If none go with me. . still I will follow."  You can\'t live your husbands life for him.  It between him and God!

When told to go spy out the Promised Land, ten of the twelve spies came back with an evil report in sight of the Lord, declaring that they could not conquer the land, choosing to believe the absolute contrary of what God told them. The spies claimed that due to the Giant inhabitants they were unable to conquer the land. The Children of Israel claimed, “We can\'t go up against them! They are stronger than we are!" So they spread discouraging reports about the land among the Israelites: "The land we explored will swallow up any who go to live there. All the people we saw were huge. We even saw giants there, the descendants of Anak. We felt like grasshoppers next to them, and that\'s what we looked like to them!" They allowed the sprit of fear to flourish within their souls. Romans 8:15 explains, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.”

It is remarkable how in today’s world, people do the same thing as the Children of Israel did in the past. They had their eyes on the “giants” (fear of rejection, fear of failure, loneliness, stress, struggles) in our life instead of having our eyes on God. We must learn to keep our eyes on the Lord Jesus instead of concentrating all of our focus on what seems to be a major obstacle (i.e. giant). In doing so, we come one step closer to the Promised Land -God\'s plan for your life.

Throughout their 40-year expedition through the desert, God was perfect and faithful. The Promise Land was ready for them. They were simply not ready to receive the promise. A moment in time came, “Then we turned, and took our journey into the wilderness by the way of the Red Sea . . . And the Lord spake unto me, saying, Ye have compassed this mountain long enough: turn you northward” (Deut. 2:1a, 2-3).

Sometimes I wonder when it will have been long enough? When will our moment in time arrive? Do you ever feel like you have been in the wilderness long enough? Do you ever wonder when you will be allowed to stop going around the mountain and be allowed into the land of promise?  The decision is yours.  The decision in mine.  Follow God\'s plan for your our life.  Make new memorials!  Make this memorial. . "This is the day the Lord has made. . .I WILL rejoice and be glad in it."  Psalms 118:24

We love you and you are in our prayers.

[tiggy]

Thank you David.  When I woke up this morning I still felt a lot of pain and was wondering if today would be the same, mourning and crying over what I had lost.  But God has been impressing upon me lately to stop wallowing in self pity and look into doing some volunteer work to take my mind off my woes.  I don\'t know for sure what or where, but I plan to look into it today.  I\'m sure he\'ll guide me to something.

I know that this is a "giant" that I can\'t defeat and I have to leave it in God\'s hands and stop trying to tell him how to fix it.  I also know that things are not what they appear to be.  Romans 4:17 says, ". . . even God, who quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things which be not as though they were."  I also know that faith is believing in things you cannot see.  Romans 4:13-25 is all about the promise realized through faith.  Then Romans 5 talks about the results of being justified by faith and verse 3-4 says, "3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also:  knowing that tribulation worketh patience; 4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:"

I know that because of the sin that Randy and I got into that destroyed our marriage, God has His work cut out for Him.  I know it won\'t take overnight.  My problem is the loneliness and not knowing how to be alone after 27 years (we\'ve been together longer than we\'ve been apart) and being afraid of facing my life without him.  So I have to force myself to get out there and live again.  I have to search for the purpose that God has for my life.  It\'s scary, but I know it has to be done.  I also know that God would never lead me in the wrong direction or leave me or forsake me.  I know that whatever path He puts me on will lead to true happiness.  I\'m certainly not going to find it sitting here in this lonely apartment bawling my eyes out and grieving for my lost husband!  So I have to seek happiness in order to find it.

I have so many regrets, but I also realize that I can\'t do anything to change the past.  All I can do is explore the future and like you said, to make new memorials.  I will continue to pray for my husband AND my best friend who has his heart right now, and let God do the rest.

Thanks for your words of wisdom.  Ironically I just got finished reading in the bible the things that you mentioned (Israel wandering in the wilderness and all their complaining), so it all hit home!  What a testimony is that???

God bless you and your family.

Becky

[tiggy]

Well I thought I would update you on all that’s been going on since I last posted.  This may be quite long, so I hope you don’t mind.  

I’m pretty sure my husband went to see her on Saturday.  I won’t go into why I know he did, but I am certain that he did.  I was upset and distraught and cried a lot that day; especially since it was two days after our anniversary.  I had all kinds of visions dancing around in my head of them checking into a hotel and doing all sorts of vile things.  It hurt and I tried not to think about it, but I couldn’t stop myself.  The words, “You reap what you sow, you reap what you sow” was going around and around in my head.  I kept trying to call him on the pretense that I wanted to come pick up a CD that I had left there and he wouldn’t answer his phone.

So finally around 4:00 he called me and said that he would bring me the CD and a box of my Christmas dishes.  I had told him to leave those dishes until the house sells and then I would finish getting all my stuff out.  But he insisted on bringing the dishes and the CD.  He said that since he needed to run by the toll tag store, he would go ahead and bring them.  I was sure that he wanted to ask me for a divorce.  So I got on my knees and started praying really hard!  I was asking things in the name of Jesus and begging God to not allow Randy to ask me for a divorce.  But just in case, I had the scriptures about divorce in Malachi underlined and bookmarked and I was planning to use them!  

So I was sitting outside reading my bible on the patio.  I was trying to read Acts because I’ve been trying to study Paul and his teachings.  But the wind whipped the pages and I read where it landed.  It landed on John 14 where Jesus says that if anything is asked in His name he will do it.  So right then I knew that God was with me.  I figured whether he asks me for a divorce or not, I had the strength to go through the ordeal because Christ was with me; I was not alone.

He shows up and we’re just making small talk (I had asked God to guide my words and actions so that I didn’t lash out at him).  I asked him if he wanted to sit for a bit and he did (he’s usually in a hurry).  I thought for sure that he’s trying to drag things out because he’s mustering up the courage to ask me for a divorce.  He acted very down and couldn’t hardly look me in the eye.  I thought it was because he was guilty of sleeping with her.  So I asked him if he wanted to go grab a quick bite to eat.  I was shocked that he accepted because he ALWAYS says that he’s already eaten.  So we went to Souper Salad and just chit-chatted.  After a while, we went back to the apt and he gave me a quick friendly hug and left.  When he got home, he sent me a stupid comment on my MySpace page about Red Bull (you know, the energy drink?).  Crazy, huh?  He hasn’t been leaving me comments lately, so this was rather odd.

So that day I felt like God had won a victory.  I didn’t cry all day Monday.  I even texted him Monday morning and said, “Back to work!  Hope you have a great week!”  He texted me back and said, “Thanks.  Hope you have a great week too.”  Then Tuesday rolled around and I woke up very depressed and distraught.  I don’t know what it is but I get this fear that creeps up inside me and makes me sick to my stomach.  I start to grieve and cry.  By the time I got home that evening, I was in a full blown melt-down!  I was begging God for just a little glimmer of hope.  Just something to strengthen me and restore my faith.  I pulled up my e-mail and saw that Randy had left a comment.  It said, “So David is Chuck Norris’s nightmare now?  LOL!”  What he was referring to was the fact that our son David who is currently serving his third tour in Iraq had changed his name on his MySpace page to “Chuck Norris’s nightmare” about a month ago.  Randy had posted a message to David about it on the 21st.  Here it was the 24th and he sends me a comment about it.  He’s known about it for weeks and yet he’s just now commenting me about it?  I guess I felt like he just didn’t know what else to say.  

Then yesterday morning I sent Randy this story I got from my American Lit class called “A Clean, Well Lit Place” by Earnest Hemmingway.  I e-mailed it to him and told him that I thought he might like it.  Later in the day, again the fear begins to creep up in me.  I was so upset I cried and prayed all the way to my class at UNT (from Plano to UNT is a l-o-n-g drive).  I was telling God that if Randy is happier without me, then fine just let him go be with her and be without me and I would just try to find a way to go on with my life without him, since I had no other choice.  I said, “Lord I’m so sorry that my faith is so weak, but I just can’t take this anymore!  Just take these feelings away from me and don’t let me love him anymore so that I don’t hurt so much!”  I told God that if I just had a simple glimmer of hope or something tangible (short of God coming again in the flesh to tell me straight to my face), some kind of sign that says “don’t worry, everything is going to be okay” then I would feel so much better.  I even looked at my phone and said, “God, come on…just a simple phone call from him would do.”  But there was nothing.  I took my test in class and I know that I bombed it, which increased my depression.  Then I cried and prayed all the way home.  I was telling God how much I don’t deserve to be happy, and just really wallowing in self pity.

Of course when I got home, there was a comment on my MySpace page from Randy.  It said, “I really liked A Clean, Well Lit Place.”  I called my sister and she read some scriptures to me for faith building.  Of course I apologized to God for the way I acted.  I felt so much better.

So then this morning, I read the part in Numbers where God offered the Promised Land to the Israelites and they scoffed at him because he told them that he would deliver them from the hands of the Giants in the land.  They didn’t believe God!  Here God had performed numerous miracles before them and brought them out of bondage and all they could do was scoff and try to elect a captain that would take them back to Egypt!!!  Here God dwelled with them in the form of a cloud by day and fire by night and he fed them and spoke with them directly, but they couldn’t trust him that he was mightier than the Amalekites (sp?)?  I simply cannot understand this…

So I was in such a good mood today, knowing that God has my back and I just have to be patient because God is working on Randy and I’m starting to see results.  I’m even thinking that perhaps they didn’t sleep together, but instead maybe she advised him to come home and try to work things out with me.  I’ve been praying for her too, and it is highly possible that God convicted her and told her to lead him in the other direction.  I don’t know, but I almost feel like this is something God is impressing on my heart.  That would explain his reasons for coming over on Saturday and going to eat with me and such.  He may have been depressed because he knew she was right but didn’t want to face the truth or is rebelling against what is right.  But it would also explain his comments on MySpace and him trying to somehow connect with me all of a sudden.

But of course the fear rose up in me again today.  It almost seems to start around 2:00 every afternoon.  I started to pray and ask God for strength.  I said, “Lord, I don’t want to cry today!  Can you give me some strength?”  Then I felt like he spoke to my heart and said, “Have I not given you enough signs and shown you through my word and my works that all will be okay?  Why are you faltering today?  What was it that you learned this morning?”  Then I remembered…I thought to myself, “This is just another giant.  God has already given me his promise.  God has given me the weapons to fight this giant and conquer him so I can live on his promises.”  I felt so relieved.  

I got home, and there was another comment from Randy on MySpace.  GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!

Thanks for listening, and thank you so much for your prayers and support!

Have a blessed day!
 Becky

[David]

Stand in there Becky.  God is in control.  Good that you can as you say "vent" on this board. Helps to share your feelings and helps others to be able to pray effectively for you.  With Easter just about here, we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and let\'s believe together for the resurrection of your marriage.  AMEN!

[tiggy]

Well, we put our house on the market today.  Then he told me that after the house sells, he will move to Gainesville and get a divorce.  He then plans to move this woman in with him.  He\'s asking for a non-contested divorce.  I tried asking him for counseling.  I tried giving him bible scriptures, I\'ve cried and prayed.  I am so distraught. :cry: I feel like David crying and begging God for help.  I don\'t know what to do...  The grief is so unbearable.

[tiggy]

Here\'s another update.  Our house is still on the market and it is not selling.  My husband brought divorce papers by and I cried and begged, but he showed no emotion.  I went ahead and signed them because I have no money to contest it.  They were fair; they split everything down the middle.  He filed them the next day.  It is supposed to be final the first week in August unless God intervenes.  

I guess I was a bit disappointed because I was in the middle of praying for God to stop my husband from divorcing me when I got the call from him that he was bringing the papers over to sign.  I guess I was sort of in shock that it happened while I was praying for it not to happen.  I felt very let down.  But God keeps telling me that they are only papers and it\'s not over until he says it\'s over.  

God has revealed a great deal to me over this process.  I was baptised on May 24th.  I am learning to listen to God\'s voice.  I\'ve been doing volunteer work and trying to take my mind off my woes.  I don\'t know what God has planned for me, but I know he wouldn\'t hurt me.  I\'m still hoping and praying.

In the meantime, God has provided for my financial needs and takes good care of me.  He blesses me in many ways.  I know he\'s with me.

Please keep the prayers coming.

[tiggy]

Our divorce finalized on August 3rd.  Our house just got a contract.  I have moved on.  If God wants us back together then He will have to be the one to do it.  I can\'t do it anymore.  I\'m done...  I\'ve cried and prayed and I can\'t keep pining away for a man who says he no longer loves me.  The grief is too much and it is affecting my health.  I\'ve begun dating again (I know some will think it is too soon) because I need some happiness in my life again.  If a miracle were to happen, it will have to be 100% God\'s will and HIS alone.  

Becky

[Dave0105]

The Lord bless you Becky. I know EXACTLY what you have been through, I am in the middle of it right now and the pain is just unbelievable. Please let us know how things have worked out for you. I pray that you are happy and loved  by someone, as you deserve. The Lord loves you so much too.