Husband needs God\'s power to set him free

[David]

I received this email and wanted to share for your prayer time.  Becky has joined the MR Board and hopefully will keep us updated ....here is the email and my reply.

Email
Message To DBM: I stumbled across your website today. I have been praying for reconciliation in my marriage. My husband filed for divorce 4 months ago. We have been married 32 years. I have been trusting God for his deliverance from drugs and alcohol most of these years. He recommitted his life to the Lord 6 years ago and just recently went back to drugs and alcohol and filed for divorce. Please pray for him to totally surrender to the Lord and heal our marriage and family. By the way, I believe I went to your church many years ago in Riverside. I believe it was on Brockton Ave. back in the sixties. Is this you?

Reply
First of to answer you last question, you are correct about Riverside on Brockton Ave.  That was me.  I was married to Phylis and we went from Riverside to New Zealand in 1969 to pastor and from there 2 years later to Australia and meetings that lasted a year long in revival. We returned to CA in 1972, Sept, upon hearing my Dad had cancer.  I spent 3 weeks with him and he went home to Heaven.  From there went to San Francisco and founded a church and pastored 10 years as well as traveled most of the world holding conferences and crusades.  Riverside was the launching pad for getting ready for the great soul saving ministry around the world.

Phylis passed away a few years back as the result of a sudden finding of a brain tumor.  As you know having looked at the web site, I moved to Texas and married Linda some years later. Yes, God has been so gracious to restore our marriage.

Now about your husband, it would appear that he has a bondage in his life he has never fully been set free from; a bondage that draws him back. He need a Holy Spirit deliverance to set him free. II Cor 5:17 is very clear “If anyone is in Christ Jesus, he is a new creation; the old is gone and the new has come.† Becky, a new creation in Christ Jesus is mightier than the old . . .one must live in the new man.  Your husband appears to have not gotten free from his past.  

I’ll join you in prayer for your request.  Please consider joining the www.davidbarnard.net Marriage Reconciliation Board.  It is so simple and of course free. Just click register and put in your name (any name you want to use for the board) and create a password. That’s it and you can post your messages to me on the board.  Others will pray with your and reply.

God bless,

David Barnard
Web Pages

www.texaspepper.net
www.davidbarnard.net
www.ht.davidbarnard.net - NRH Home Team New Home Team
http://daytonaicc.com/site/ - My brother, Jerry Barnard\'s Ministry
www.leoprice.com - My long time friend Evangelist Leo Price

ONE SENTENCE
Read this line very slowly and let it sink in like it did to me: "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

[Becky]

I was so glad to hear from you and to find your website.  I was about 9 years old when I attended your church in Riverside but I\'ve never forgotten it.  It is very difficult to get encouragement even from the christian leadership to hold on for the restoration of your marriage.  Most tell you to just "move on".  I too am involved in ministry and I think that makes things harder because people are looking at you to see how you are going to handle this or why this has happened to you.  I know what I believe but when you are hit from so many directions at one time, you become disoriented and I think you\'re reasoning becomes distorted.  

As I told you, I have had an on and off battle with my husbands addictions for 32 years.  I have believed during this whole time for his total deliverance.  Now he files for divorce and my grown children have turned against me as well.  This situation has stirred up their emotions about their dad and they blame me for that I should have divorced him years ago.  Both say they hate me and never want to speak to me again.  I stayed in this marriage because I truly believed God told me to stand in the gap and pray for my husband and of course I love him very much.   I have had specific prophetic words concerning this as well.  How do you reconcile all of this?  The only way I conceivable reconcile it is that God is saying this is enough and he is allowing this to be torn to the foundation so he can rebuild it the way He wants to.  I just can\'t give up on what I feel God has told me to stand for for 32 years.  Perhaps it like Abraham laying down Issac.  He was the child of promise, then God tells him to sacrifice him.  

I think Christian leadership is afraid to tell you to stand because what do they tell you when it seemingly is not going to happen?  What would christian leadership told an Abraham? " You must have misunderstood what God told you Abraham.  Accept reality, you are too old.  You must have been mistaken".  I keep thinking that as long as we are alive, there is hope.  And even when things are dead, Jesus said, "I am the Resurrection".  I can\'t help that He can resurrect the most impossible, hopeless situations.  

I have been suffering with so much depression and anxiety, I almost feel like I am going to lose my job too.  I have horrible insomnia, excessive weight loss and inability to concentrate.  I have a very good job and make a very good living and my husband is after me for alimony as well.  I feel so betrayed and thrown to the curb like garbage when I\'ve done nothing but good to him and this.

Please pray for me to get through this.  I think this website should be circulated throughout all the churches.  There is a real vacuum in the church for help with people facing these situations.  Divorce has become so acceptable when God says He hates it.  And from viewing the post and seeing the heartache and pain it causes, you can well see why God hates it.

Becky

[David]

Becky,

It is hard to understand how loved ones can reject blood and more so their mother.  Not knowing all the history it is difficult to know what to advise other than "have done all stand."  Not knowing what your husband has instilled into the children over the years (if he has deceived you with his hidden addictions) no telling what he may have done or said to the children.

Most key is to keep the Love of Christ shinning in your life.  Becky, if you think you can\'t do it anyway. . . get away for a week end or two and get a rest and Spiritual refreshing.  Attend a good "spirit filled church" some where. Get with another Christian and just relax and have a break. Things will look different when you come back.

Will be praying for you.

[Becky]

Although my children have been on their own for several years they have a lot of hurt and disappointment in their father.  I have raised both of them for God yet both have turned their back on God and seem to despise my faith.  Actually I think they hate both me and their dad.  

I know statistically things don\'t look good.  My husband is now 57 years old.  I thought about what you said, "If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation".  I am asking God to give him a new heart, a heart to love and serve God with all his heart, mind and soul.  My whole family needs healing.  I just can\'t believe this is the reward of someone who has been faithful to God all these years and everything that ever mattered to them is stripped away and destroyed.  

Am I being a fool to hold out hope?

[David]

Am I being a fool to hold out hope?

No Becky. No one is a fool who puts their trust and faith in the Lord.  Think on this scripture “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and don\'t lean on your own understanding. In all things acknowledge him, and he shall direct your way. [Proverbs 3:5, 6]â€

Keep your hopes up and direct your faith to the powerful One. There is nothing impossible with God!

"Father, in Jesus name, confirm your love and power to Becky as she travels through this valley of troubled times and heal and deliver her husband."  "Open the eyes and heart of these children to see God\'s love and forgiveness."

Amen Becky.  Stand "Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand."--Eph. 6:13.

[Becky]

Thank you for the word of encouragement this morning.  I have been in such turmoil that I have had trouble thinking rationally.  Everything has been crashing in around me.  I just told God yesterday that unless he gave me something to hold on to this week then I was going to take my life because the pain and loss is so overwhelming.  I\'m just weary from insomnia, weight loss and my mind just doesn\'t think rationally.  I feel like I\'m slipping away but then I remember the precious Holy Spirit that doesn\'t let us go and comes just when we are at the end.  And He has done just that.  Thank you again for the words of encouragement.

[David]

Becky,

Listen to the Holy Spirit. Listen to your heart for what the Holy Sprit will say will come to you in "desire" with in your heart. David said in Psalms 37:3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

Becky, God will put his desires for your life in your heart so that what you desire is what God desires for your life. My prayer though all I went through and even now is "God, change my desires so my habits will change; so my choices will change."

It is not easy to stand when you have been wronged; when you have stood and do not see the answer to your deepest prayers, but it will bring eternal rewards in the end. As Paul tells us in Ephesians 6:13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. - What do we do after we have stood; keep on standing until God tells us the next direction for our life.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit,

Thank you for allowing us to share with you and know that Linda and I will pray with you for God\'s eternal plan and purpose for you and your spouse\'s life to be fulfilled.

David

[Becky]

I want to thank you for your response as well as the reponses to others.  Although we oftentimes know the word, when faced with such big storms, we can lose sight of the promises.  Your words you speak speak life and hope.

Although I do not see any change in the situation with my husband,  (he has no contact with me), I am going to stand in faith believing that God is working where I cannot see.  

Thank you for your prayers for they are effective.  I may not know what is happening with my husband but I do know God is working on me.  I feel a renewed sense of hope and healing taking place in my spirit for the first time in 5 months.  I had been so overwhelmed with fear and pain I just had a hard time hearing from God.  

The old song your brother used to sing was brought to my mind, "Faith in the Father and faith in the Son, Faith in the Holy Ghost victories are won.  Demons will tremble and sinners will awake, Faith in Christ Jesus can anything change".  It is by faith we will see victory.  Keep speaking the word!

God Bless,
Becky

[David]

I once read somewhere this statement "When you can\'t see God\'s hand. . trust His heart."  So true.  When praying for a change in someone\'s life and they continue to remain unchanged outwardly we may say"why is there no change?"  Trust God\'s heart of love and grace.  We don\'t know what is happening in the inner part of the loved one but we do know God is just waiting for them to surrender to His plan and purpose.  That is were the book "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren can be a source of strength for both the prayer and the one being prayed for.

My brother Jerry Barnard still sings the song "Faith In The Father" and is pastor in Daytona Beach, FL.

[Becky]

David:

Please pray for me and my family.  The first hearing on the divorce is scheduled for April 8th.  I had been able to get this delayed until now as it was originally scheduled for last Dec. 3rd.  I still pray it will be delayed again.  I was hoping by now there would be a change in heart from my husband.  He seems just as determined as ever to divorce me.  He says he just doesn\'t want to be married anymore.  I\'ve been praying morning, noon and night for him.  I\'m having trouble dealing with having to prepare and produce all the paperwork that is required for the legal proceedings.  It is hard to reconcile protecting yourself legally and the emotional upheaval that brings all the while trying to stand strong in faith that God is going to turn it around and heall my marriage.  

Last Wednesday when I was at church, the pastor had called for us all to come thru a line for a prayer and when I was standing in line someone standing behind me laid their hands on me and began praying for me.  After a few minutes this woman told me that God had told her to tell me that victory was just ahead.  I only started going to this church for about 3 weeks and know no one and they don\'t know my situation.  I believe that was God giving me a nugget of encouragement.  God knows I need it for sometimes I feel like I am standing alone but I know that is not true for God stands with me.  It is just hard because it seems like no one really understands why you are standing for your marriage and think you ought to just accept the divorce and move on.  

Please pray that God will lead me to a prayer partner that will stand with me.  I need someone in these times of discouragement.
Becky

[David]

Becky,

I can understand your situation of holding on to a promise and or belief for your husband even when you hear what comes out of his mouth and by his actions. Be confident that what you are standing for is in God\'s plan for your life.  You can not take responsibility for someone else\'s actions and decisions, but you can for your own life.  I have learned that now one will change until they suffer the results of their own actions i.e. your husband. Be prayerful.   We are praying for you.

[Becky]

I\'ve been praying my husband would have a "Damascus Road" experience.  I pray for God\'s love and mercy for him for someone out there in rebellion the way he is is going to come to terms with the natural outflow of living a lifestyle displeasing to God.  I have to trust God that he knows just how to get my husbands attention for he knows how to deal with rebellious children.   I guess I need to keep in mind that there are many things that are occurring that I am just not aware of because I know God is at work.  The devil just wants us to look at our situation and circumstances instead of what God is doing.  I guess I need a "spam blocker"  on what the devil has to say about my situation because it only matters what God has to say.

I think of the scriptures from Habakkuk where God told Habakkuk, "I will work a work in your days, which you would not believe, though it were told you".  Habakkuk couldn\'t understand why God was going to use the Chaldeans, their enemies to bring about this "work", but God knew exactly what he was doing.  I have to believe that God will use this enemy of "divorce" to bring about the total turnaround in my husbands life.  Sometimes I just get fearful of how long it will take and wonder if I can make it through.  Then I look back over the last 6 months now and I am still standing when I thought I couldn\'t make it.  When my husband left I was so devastated, I suffered from extreme insomnia and anxiety.  I was only able to sleep about 2 to 3 hours per night and this went on for about 4 months.  I was suffering so much, I went to the doctors and he put me on medication, taking 4 Ambien sleeping pills a night.  It didn\'t help and made me so tired I couldn\'t hardly work.  I took them about a week and quit.  God really touched me and I was able to sleep and read my Bible again.  I felt more able to cope after getting some sleep.  It is so hard but God is going to see me through this court stuff  too.  

I\'m struggling how to handle my defense in court.  I may have to give my husband thousands of dollars a month in alimony for life and we all know what that kind of money would do to someone with a drug problem.  I am doing what I can to defend myself against this in the legal system but I struggle with the fight itself as it involves mudsligging of things that happened and were forgiven long ago.  My attorney wants to use them even though it is not certain their value.  Of course my attorney is only looking at ending the marriage and the best possible economical outcome.  While I don\'t relish giving my husband all that money I don\'t want to antagonize him and push him farther away, if that is possible right now.  I told my attorney I am seeking reconcilation.  He just looked at me and said, if these things are true, then you need a psychiatrist if you want your marriage restored.  

All in one day, I see the attorney, my son calls out of the blue asking for money and my daughter calls to tell me how unfair I am being to her dad.  (He gave her $10,000 of our money after he left home and I contend it should be from his share of the money).  I feel like my whole family is a pack of wolves and I am the prey.

As you can see, we need a very BIG MIRACLE in a lot of lives here.  Pray for us.
Becky[/u]

[Becky]

David:
I was visiting with my sister over the weekend and I shared with her your website.  She said she remembered you when you were in Riverside.  She said she remembered you singing that old song, "I\'ll meet you in the morning".  I had forgotten but I do remember now.  Do you still sing?  I have many fond memories growing up in church.  You performed the wedding ceremony for my brother there in Riverside.  

The last few weeks have been tough.  I was so discouraged over the weekend.  I have made many attempts with all family members to reach out to them with no avail.  By Saturday evening I found myself asking God just to take me home as I felt no purpose for living since my husband and children whom I love so much want nothing to do with me.  Thank God he doesn\'t answer every prayer affirmatively.  On Sunday morning, I began to pray as I normally do and I felt God tell me the reason he has me here is to stand in the gap and interceed for my family.  It seems like life has just been filled with so much heartache for me but when I look back at all the things God has brought me through over the years, it has made me who I am today, one who knows what God is able to do.  I think of the scripture that says, "He who goeth forth weeping bearing precious seed shall doubtlesscome again rejoicing bringing his sheaves with him.

Please continue to pray for my family.  I can plainly see that the enemy wants to discourage me so that I give up or am ineffective in prayer because of fear.

Becky

[David]

Becky that is so great you recall the good time of growing up in Riverside.  What is your brother\'s name.  It escapes me just now.  I just don\'t recall singing that song, "I\'ll meet you in the morning" but perhaps it was one of the many we sang over the years.  You know, when I left Riverside in 1969 I think, we went by ship to New Zealand to pastor and then in 1972 to Australia for a year of meetings. My dad got ill and we come back to California in 1972 and dad passed 3 weeks afterwards.  So glad I got to see him.  Mom passed in Dec 2005. She was 93.

I can tell from your post you are struggling but do hold to the promises and keep on keeping on for Jesus. We can go through life with out somethings. . .when we have someone to go through life with -that is Jesus!  Tell you sister hello.

[Becky]

My maiden name was Hewitt.  My brothers name was Phillip and his wife\'s name was Wanda.  I think I was in about the 4th grade then so I don\'t remember a lot of detail.  If I recall you were very young then too.  I do remember you preaching me under conviction then and wanting to hide in the pews!  Or maybe it was my mom telling me if I didn\'t behave she would take me down front and have the devil prayed out of me!  LOL!  

 It\'s great to see what God has done in your life.  I am sure praying parents had a lot to do with it.  I read your testimony.  I\'m sure no one thought you would be a preacher when you were using drugs and so far from what you were raised to be.  But God had a purpose and look at the number of lives that have been touched as a result.  

I\'m thankful for praying parents too.  It seemed like I could never go out and do the things I seen so many do and enjoy it.  I can see now because God had another purpose for me.  I don\'t think there is any greater gift than having godly parents.  My parents have been gone for many years now but I am thankful for them teaching me the word and most of all to trust in God no matter what.  My parents had lost 3 children at the time we went to your church and later lost my sister a few years later so they went thru a lot of suffering but I saw how they lived their lives to trust God even when you don\'t understand the journey.

My husband grew up in an abusive home, abandoned by his father and alcoholic mother and stepfather but he has had a praying wife for 32 years and I will continue to stand for him.  I think when someone experiences things like that they put up walls around themselves in self preservation and their heart becomes hardened.  I have been praying that God will break thru those walls liek the walls of Jericho and take out the stoney heart and give him a heart of flesh.  I believe one day when all those layers come off, he will be the most sensitive compassionate person.  When you have been forgiven of so much, you can\'t help but love in return.

Belssings,
Becky